new writing, zines, corrections and directions

new writing, zines, corrections and directions

in december of 2014, i decided to try and write one blog post every week. this week, i’m cheating a bit by writing an update. it’s much less work to write an update than to think of a good topic and find an interesting way to write about it. it is also much easier emotionally as i don’t have to delve into any hurt and/or scary memories and feelings and i don’t need to risk being vulnerable in public, something i find difficult.

i hope to be doing quite a bit of writing, primarily about ritual abuse, in the next months. i have several articles on my “to-do” list (which i have now written down and taped to my wall), including an article about being ruled not guilty of mischief under $5000 after going to trial in october, 2 articles about the police and prisons, and an article about sex work from the position of being a client – something i realized that is now illegal (for more info about the new laws and how they will impact sex workers and well, as i like to say, fuck the law. i have paid women money to have sex with them, and if i had more money these days i might very well pay to have sex with a sex worker.

it’s a complicate subject to be sure, and i’m not going to get into it until, well, until i get into it by writing that article. if you are wondering where i’m coming from, i find emi koyama’s writing on sex work and human trafficking to be a solid analysis.

i am thinking in particular of three zines: State Violence, Sex Trade, and the Failure of Anti-Trafficking Policies, Understanding the Complexities of Sex Trade/Work and Trafficking, and War on Terror & War on Trafficking: A Sex Worker Activist Confronts the Anti-Trafficking Movement. these zines, and several others can be found at:

so i have plenty of writing to do, and i am going to resume writing about satanic ritual abuse, my experiences as a survivor, and my thoughts and feelings on ritual abuse and mind control. i also want to work with other survivors to get their stories out, and this would also provide new and different perspectives on what it means to survive ritual abuse, what RA and MC are, and how to stop it.

i’m also planning to revise the 24,000 words i’ve already written on ritual abuse and turn them into zines. i’m not sure how many, at least 2 or 3, maybe more. all of this is also work towards writing a book about my experiences as a ritual abuse survivor. i’m also hoping to be able to add a larger analytical piece based on whatever work is already out there about ritual abuse, and from the little i know, there is a small but growing body of work.

i also want to make a correction in regards to a section of a blog post that i’ve already written. in one blog post i talk about some of the cult members who have more prominent jobs in the establishment world. i realize now that i should have been more cautious with what i said. in several instances what i said in my blog was repeating what had been told to me, and i was not writing what i had seen myself. and so, as it is certainly possible that people lied to me about who did what and that i might have been misled about some of what i presented as fact. it is important to say that i have been very careful about what i say, although, in this case, not as careful as i would have liked. for now i want to say only what i am absolutely certain of, which is this: my entire extended family and all of their in-laws past and present are all cult members, as well as “family friends”. the same is true of all my childhood friends and all of my close “friends” until after high school.

there is more, and when i am revising the zine and going over that blog post i will re-edit it to be as clear as possible about what i know from my own experiences, what i was told and what i believe.

i also mentioned several progressive organizations that my biological father claimed to have had a role in starting, and some “important people” who my biological father knew and/or claimed to know. i said this not to cast a satanic shadow on these organizations or people, but to give some of the context of my biological father’s, a former vice-president of Carleton university and a former member of the SDS – students for a democratic society – social life and ostensible political orientation.

my reason for this was not to impugn these organizations – his involvement or not doesn’t compromise them, in my opinion, but rather i wanted to try and challenge the idea that “this couldn’t happen here” and/or that cults are those crazy people in the US who follow a “messiah” who abuses children, has too many guns, too many bibles and too many wives. there really is a satanic ritual abuse cult operating in ottawa, and upper middle-class people, like my biological father, a VP at Carleton university and a part of the establishment left to some extent, was and is a cult member who abused and tortured me regulalry for almost two decades.

ritual abuse is a serious problem for many reasons, the most important being, of course, the brutal abuse of children that is going on every single day. contrary to any stereotypes about cultists, the people who are doing it, can be and often are, well-known and respected members of their communities. as with sexual violence and child abuse, the people who are engaging in RA and MC are not dangerous strangers lurking in dark alleyways, but people who live seemingly ordinary lives and who seem quite ordinary themselves.

cults, cult members and ritual abuse are also, i think, important for revolutionary movements to think about and take seriously. first there is, of course, the ethical obligation to fight against such a grave injustice. second, because of the nature of ritual abuse cults and their links to human trafficking there is a whole dirty, dirty world that plays, i think, an important role in the maintenance of the political and economic status quo, and therefore it is strategic for revolutionary movements to work to end ritual abuse.  third, cult members have many secrets and are loyal above all to the cult, meaning that they are vulnerable to pressure from police and security agencies to snitch and to become informants and that they will pass on whatever information they do know to their superiors in the cult.

finally, i am convinced that there is also an overlap between RA/MC cults, human trafficking and police and security agencies like the CIA and CSIS. i’m tempted to delve into this right now, but i will refrain until i’ve got the time to do some more research, to provide some facts and references and add to that those memories that i have that are relevant. this is one subject that i’ll definitely be exploring at greater length in the next few months.

that’s it for now!

love and struggle!


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