my life is a *trigger warning*
notes on surviving ritual abuse
a brief, vague and incomplete description of a satanic cult
(the type of cult that i was born into was not the jim jones or david
koresh type – it was/is not publicly knows, it is almost impossible to
join, outside of being born into it, or marrying into it, and anyone
who was marrying in would have been raised in a cult themselves. and
there were no charismatic leaders who ran the cult. in fact, i could
not say who were in positions of leadership, although i do suspect
that there is a leadership.
also, to avoid confusion, i use the phrase “biological parents” and
“biological family” not because i was adopted, but because although
these people were my family by blood, they never treated me in the way
that parents or family should. they did not love me, care for me,
and teach me how to be a good person, rather they hurt and abused me,
tried to destroy my psyche and make me one of them)
a brief, vague and incomplete description of a satanic cult
the only cult that I am truly familiar with is the one that I was born
into. this is the cult that my mother was born into. my biological
father was born in england, and immigrated to canada after living and
going to university in the united states for several years. i have
had almost no contact with my father’s family, and that cult, with the
exception of twice meeting my father’s mother and my uncle, both of
whom now live in auckland, new zealand.
my family always referred to the cult as “the family”. if it has/had
another name, i don’t know what it is/was. it is also possible that
“the family” only refers to those who are related by blood and
marriage, and a small number of long-term “family friends”.
the cult was active in montreal, ottawa, and arundel. If it is active
elsewhere (and I do believe that it is), i do not know where.
i was born in december 1977 into a satanic cult that ritually abused
me and all the other children I knew, most of whom were cousins or
i am confident that the cult has existed from the time of my
great-great grandparents, approximately 100 – 150 years.
i heard stories about my grandparents being abused by their parents
when they were children, and although they may have lied about the
details, i have no doubt that they were ritually abused. i’m
inferring from this that my grandparents’ parents were also ritually
abused by their own parents, and families.
i believe the origins of the cult are even older than this, but i have
no way of being sure of this. i have no way of being sure when, or
where it all began? or why, or how?
how would an organized group focused on the abuse and brainwashing of
children and adults begin? i do not which to make the cult seem more
powerful or more frightening that it is, as it is for the most part a
group of fucked up and pathetic people who spend their time raping,
torturing and abusing children and adults. they do, however, have a
sophisticated understanding of the effects of trauma, especially on
children, as well as how extreme stress and trauma can be used to
create dissociated identities, and equally important that these
dissociated identities can be programmed/brainwashed. there understanding of these psychological process precedes that of modern psychology and psychologists or psychiatrists.
i doubt, in fact, that anyone inside the cult has any real idea of its
origins. the foundation of the cult is such a morass of falsehoods
and lies, that i think how it all started will remain lost in the
past. this would also make it more difficult to track the cult
and cult members.
according to my biological mother, her family has been on turtle
island (north america) since the 1850s, originally in both the unites
states and canada. our ancestry is irish, scottish, german and
english (i am half-english, through my biological father, as well as
an english citizen).
by the time i was born, my grandparents were living in arundel,
quebec, algonquin territory. arundel is a small mostly anglo village.
my great grandfather and his cousin had been the village doctor and
dentist there. arundel is also, I believe, one of the rural areas
where there is a high concentration of cult members. certainly, this
is where much of my mother’s family lives and/or has lived over the
years. my great-great uncle was mayor there until fairly recently.
my great grandfather sent his daughter (my mother’s mother) to school
in montreal. my grandfather’s family also lived in montreal, and in
fact, both families lived in westmount, and were members, although not
important ones, of the white, anglo ruling class of montreal.
other examples of this owning class economic status can be seen
in the fact that my great-great uncle and his brother both went to
upper canada college, the elite educational institution at the time,
and, to a lesser extent, that my grandmother attended the trafalgar
school for girls in montreal, another elite educational institution.
however, the family’s political and economic status, the part that I
know, anyways, has diminished since those days. these days most of the family is mostly middle-class: doctors, dentists, small business people, civil
servants, computer programmers, teachers and university professors,
dirty, dirty, dirty
although, as I said, the part of the cult that I was most aquainted
with is now mostly middle class, and no longer wields much economic or
political clout, there are exceptions.
my biological father was, for example, the vice president of carleton
university (planning and development), and later the president of the
carleton university development corporation. his long-term “friend”
was a professor there, and briefly a dean.
more important than either of them is another long-term “friend”, a
multi-millioaire, who own real estate (and I don’t know what else),
and who is married to a woman who was a MOSSAD agent.
my uncle’s former brother in law is a RCMP officer, and was once a bodyguard
for jean chretien. this same uncle’s ex-wife (and it is her brother
who is the RCMP officer) is/was dating a man who works for the
canadian security intelligence service. finally, over a decade ago,
another cultist and family “friend” was a top civil servant.
from the time of my great grandparents, until my parent’s generation,
most of my mother’s family has been, to a greater or lesser extent, on
the left, and sometimes quite actively involved in it. this active
involvement with establishment left wing politics includes my
grandmother’s father and her uncle, both of my grandparents, and my
my great-great uncle and my great-granbfather both portrayed
themselves as socialists – they offered free, or inexpensive health
car to people in the area, as well, as, i suspect, free rape and
my mother’s parents met through the social gospel movement/the youth
Christian movement of the time, which was on the left. After that
they became activists with the co-operative commonwealth federation
(CCF) and after that with the NDP.
my biological father was briefly a member of the labour party in
england, and then in the new left while he was living in the united
states. he was even a member of the student’s for a democratic
society (SDS). after he moved to Ottawa and began teaching physics at
carleton university, he became an important member of the faculty
association, until, a few years later, he switched sides and began
working for the administration.
he continued to be active, socially, i think, as much as anything
else, in establishment leftist circles. he was “friends” with one of
the former presidents of the public service alliance of Canada (PSAC),
and visited that man when he was dying. i do not know that the
president of the PSAC was cult involved, and i’m not saying that he
was. i give the example to shed light on the social and political
circles that my biological father moved in. my biological father also
claimed to have been involved in helping to found octopus books, a
leftwing bookstore, and the canadian centre for policy alternatives
(CCPA), a left wing think tank. he never said how, and my guess is
that he probably donated some money, and maybe some moral support. i
want to reiterate that I’m giving these examples not to discredit or
defame those institutions. i think he had little or nothing to do with
them in actual fact, but to give a sense of how he positioned himself
publicly and politically. let me be clear that cultists have no real
political principles. what they want is to be on the winning side, to
have important positions, and connections, and basically to maintain
the status quo, and, above all else, to make sure that the cult does
not get exposed.
in the 1970s, canadian (and american, and english and elsewhere)
politics began to shift to the right under the impetus of a successful
right-wing reorganization known as thatcherism, or reaganism. brian
mulroney was part of this shift, although he was not important to have
an ism of his own. following this shift to the right, family member’s
have become increasingly politically centrists, or conservative – that
is to say that most support the Liberal Party, while some support the
Conservatives of Republicans. the only truly important members of the
cult, or people affiliated with cult are a Ottawa based
multi-millionaire, a former MOSSAD agent, an RCMP officer, and a CSIS
to conclude, the satanist cult that i was born into has existed for at
least 100 – 150 years. it exists in urban centres, and has rural
bastions. the part of the cult that i am most knowledgeable about is
no longer as politically or economically significant as it once was.
it is now mostly middle class, although it still has some connections
with owning class cult member’s and people, and disturbingly, to there
are cultists who work for the RCMP and intellgence agencies.